Sunday, 21 July 2013


"NO! - You are not introvert!" My friend exclaimed. As if I'd been telling her I was ugly og stupid. I tried to explain, as calmly as I could, why I thought I was indeed introvert. But she persisted. I definitely wasn't introvert. I gave up.

I've worked with this woman for many years. She is brilliant at keeping contact to friends and colleagues, she's always up-to-date with peoples carriers and personal lives. She is good humoured and pleasant company. She knew me when I was seeing my ex, W - the aspie. And the subject of introversion came up during our lunch together because she asked me about W, if I knew what he was doing now (I don't). We talked about why I'd been with him in the first place, and the topic of his extreme introversion came up. I explained that him being so introvert had caused me to be more extrovert, despite being introvert myself. And that was when I was interrupted. Because this woman, whom I haven't seen for about a year and never been very close with, obviously know me better than I know myself.

Why am I bothered? Well, it is annoying to be interrupted, and to be contradicted on a topic that I should be an expert on (the topic being myself). But, hey, shit happens. What really bothers me is that introversion apparently is so bad. If I'd said: I am actually a brunette, I just dye my hair; or: I think I am gay; or: I voted for the Social Democrats last time, she would just have said: OK (neither of these things are true though). And to me, being introvert is just as fine as being gay, brunette, or social democrat. It is just different from mainstream.

But we live in a world defined by extroverts, which is why people find the introvert behaviour odd. I think the illustration of introverts as someone being (or preferring to be) inside a hamster ball is wonderful. I saw it on facebook, and also found it here: Although I should mention that I've seen hamsters in a wheel but never in a ball or a bubble... The key message, about the difference in how people acquire - and lose - energy. I get energy from being on my own, I lose energy when being with others. I lose much more energy when being at a party, in a noisy cafĂ©, at a reception, and with lots of strangers, compared to being at home with a few close friends. But even if my social life consisted only of few close friends having supper at my house, I would still need the time alone.

From looking at aspies around me, I have developed the hypothesis that not all introverts are aspies, but most aspies are introverts.


  1. "But even if my social life consisted only of few close friends having supper at my house, I would still need the time alone."

    I can relate to this but even more extreme. For me, having a few close friends having supper at my house would actually be a major social event (and I don't have a few close friends).

    However, just being married is social overload at some times every day - just one person interrupting me and talking and needing interaction, regardless how familiar and the fact that we're often having a good time and go well along. I dare not imagine how much social overload having kids around would/will cause if we do have kids.

    1. I do have kids, and an extrovert husband... And I agree, it can be overwhelming. But at home I can go into my hamster ball in the kitchen or the study.

      Yes, a few friends coming over for supper drains me, too. But it may drain me for the night or a few hours. Whereas a party can cause a meltdown-like state for days.

  2. Would also like to say that I think your friend was being very rude, albeit I am sure it was unintentional.

    Also: "Although I should mention that I've seen hamsters in a wheel but never in a ball or a bubble..."

    Me neither. I don't think that is even legal:-)